L’Aveugle Par Amour

69468999-4D73-41F6-8BA2-49D19C9B7C34.jpg2018. The year I move out. The year I begin a career. The year I reach my twenty-fifth orbit around the sun.

These resolutions are the requirements I have set to meet this year, fulfilling this blog is also included. In my downtime of not looking for a job or someone/something to keep me busy, I will contribute to this blog to document such struggles.

These posts will reflect myself and my own experiences as a young woman searching for the pinnacle of my 20-something life. While currently I’m stuck in the purgatory of recent grad hell and finding a love life, I’d like to say I’m pushing and pulling quite nicely between the two.

But anyways, let’s start off by properly introducing myself. My name is Jillian, but to my friends and family I’m known as Jill (although I prefer the former). Typical suburban girl who dreams of moving to Los Angeles. Overdramatic, anxious but funny, genuine. Typical Mexican girl who loves reggaeton and micheladas. Taurus. Two best friends, two siblings, two pet dogs. Loyal to Los Angeles home sports teams. Fanatic for Real Madrid soccer team. Makeup and online shopping for now.

So let’s begin. Love is a tricky game, but I’m sure you knew that.

In the wonderful abyss that is of uncertainty, excitement, and pleasure I’m stuck deep in the depths known as the dating stage. My man who is not really my man is someone I met through mutual friends. He is my weakness; tall, dark, cute with his diamond stud earrings. He makes me nervous and he makes me laugh but always flirting between the two.

Our attraction to each other stemmed from the forbidden apple in the tree. We were both in relationships, looking but never touching. For almost a year the sexual tension was the elephant in the room. It was heavy. Large and kind of a burden. Our conversations were short but our glances were long. We were the type that just needed a little push. Then when both our titles were removed, we knew what we had to do. It was a late night, too late for bars to be open but early enough for the night owls to be awake. We were together… and it was fun.

Now in its third month of scandalous nights and good morning texts, what’s next for this whirlwind I couldn’t possibly tell you.

Where I stand right now is a want for companionship, possibly open for a relationship. But with love you can’t trust yourself letting your feelings takeover. In the beginning, it’s an overdose of endorphins. In that moment of mid smirk, eyelock then kiss, you’re getting high on your own supply and then you’re hooked. When you come back down to planet earth you realize what you’re putting on the line and that is, your heart.

For me, to experience love is to have a guard up and test how long I can last without bringing it down.

Was it safe to open up and start over again? Was it safe to invest my time into someone that I already knew had a notorious past? I didn’t care.  

But for what it’s worth, I love where this is going.

1 thought on “L’Aveugle Par Amour”

  1. Sounds to me like you’re already in too deep with this guy even when you’re always denying it or refusing the idea of putting your heart out there. I think you’ve crossed that point of no return and there’s nothing else you can do but take the chance. You deserve everything and he’s gotta be willing to give you everything, or else, hearts will break for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

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