100 días de soledad

arte

Where do you find strength in yourself when nothing else seems feasible?

I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m hurt.

The past month has been hell for me; teetering between happiness and sadness where the latter most certainly outweighs the former. I’ve been desperately searching for the rainbow after the storm but with the current state of the world I’m in the eye of the hurricane.

It’s so hard doing this alone, in isolation, dealing with a heartbreak amongst other things- I feel so dejected.

I’m hoping and wishing for better days ahead, because right now I am fighting.

***

It’s peculiar how people you’ve known for a lesser amount of time will be the first to ask you if you’re doing O.K., more so than people who’ve known you for quite a while.

Something about the compassion of a stranger makes pain bearable. It shows that feelings of loss and lament are universal. But it will always be difficult for me to respond to someone’s unrecognized kindness because of a natural hindrence to unfamiliarity. However, I will always be grateful for those who go out of their way to do so.

These days have been so challenging, trying to remember who I was and who I ought to be. I can’t but help listen to the inner demons within myself, pulling and pushing between the positive and negative. Every morning is a struggle to find peace but by nightfall I feel I have won the day. What I want to say to myself is that anxiety won’t get the best of me, and in crucial times like now, I will overcome what will one day be just a horrid memory.

I have done it before and I will do it again.

For the first time in my life I am addressing my mental health issues publicly and I don’t really know what to tell you besides to seek help, invest in therapy and open yourself up.

It’s been about a month since I’ve started seeing a psychologist and I’ve never felt so exposed. But sometimes revealing your most inner thoughts can almost feel like a fresh of breath air- you no longer have to have the war within yourself. I realize that I am broken, but I am trying so hard to piece myself back together.

In this journey of self help I couldn’t be more grateful for those who’ve I tried to push away or hide things from. In particular, a set of three friends and my immediate family, who’ve received the worse end of it. Despite my failures, I know that I am truly loved and cared for in the midst of this crisis. I mustn’t project my doubts to those who watch over me, and I shouldn’t be so negative towards those around me.

Everyday is a battle to learn to love life again. The toxic distractions of the world are at halt and I face my true self; I am alive and I am breathing. Sometimes, that feels enough.

 

6 Week Transformation

In my spare time that exists in post grad purgatory, I found a new niche that has been seemingly growing, and that is an unusual love for CrossFit. In February I joined a bootcamp class at the CrossFit gym I workout at now and I’ve steadily transitioned from bootcamper to crossfitter.

After the six week bootcamp I decided to go the next step and begin strength training by doing some of the CrossFit WOD’s (workout of the day). I’m telling you, whatever weightlifting workout you do at 24-Hour Fitness is nothing compared to these CrossFit exercises. I used to think crossfitters were just some weird ass buff people showing off their big shoulders and tree trunk abs. But really, CrossFit is just functional bodybuilding. It’s more than just doing a set amount of reps for a set amount of sets, it’s building muscle memory that targets every functional body movement. Each workout is at most 30 minutes, but the classes are spent stretching, conditioning and strength training.

Granted, having a boyfriend that is a coach at the box allows me to put in extra work but that doesn’t mean it’s also any easier. Much of my free time now is geared towards working out and really turning fitness into a lifestyle. Whether it’s doing a workout pre or post WOD or coming in twice a day, your results are going to be what you make of it. I’m just here to share with you my slight transformation and show that if even my baby muscles can jump from 10 pound dumbbells to 20 pound dumbbells that so can you.

Also, cooking (not meal prepping) has also taken over my life simply because I love fresh produce and feeding my family healthier options. So here are just a few examples of healthier food choices!

Workout Wednesday

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At the beginning of this month I joined a 6-week bootcamp at a CrossFit gym thanks to my trainer boyfriend (eye roll lol). Originally I had no intention of joining whatsoever and was content with my only-workout-to-eat-and-drink-whatever-I-want lifestyle but of course, girlfriend duties mean that I respect his work.

In the corner, weighing in at 145 pounds, standing at 5 foot 7 inches with 27% body fat, Jillian Salas ready to rumble.

Although I’m at a particularly healthy weight for my size, I joined the bootcamp to see if I can push my body to levels I haven’t before. Prior, my workouts included going to the gym lifting for 30-45 minutes then cardio for another 30, with basic knowledge on form and diet. Now, at high intensity training using just body weight and dumbbells programmed specifically for the bootcamp, I am already seeing results in strength as well as endurance.

The bootcamp classes are held every weekday and night with about 5-15 attendees varying from each class. We have two coaches that lead the classes and assist us with proper form as well as introducing new workouts. They push us to reach our goals and to make sure we are staying on track. This is only the third week of bootcamp but I feel like my healthy lifestyle choices are improving overall. My diet is more consistent and now I workout on a daily basis.

 

My personal goal is to lower my body fat percentage to 24% while gaining muscle by the end of the six week program. Part of the bootcamp includes free consultations for meal prepping and showing us what supplements aid in proper muscle recovery. My daily routine looks something like this:

Supplements: Vanilla Whey Protein (to feed protein to muscles after workouts), Multivitamin & Carnitine (fat burner) taken 1-3 times a day, BCAA (amino acids taken while working out to protect muscles), Glutamine (restore glycogen levels), and occasionally pre-workout to get me through bootcamp.

Meal 1: Egg whites with banana and peanut butter wheat toast

Meal 2: Quinoa kale cauliflower with lean steak; stuffed quinoa avocados; black bean patty sandwich with hummus and wheat pita; ground lean turkey with veggies; salmon and baked sweet potatoes

Post Workout: Protein Shake with vanilla protein powder, glutamine, almond milk, peanut butter, banana, cinnamon, ice cubes

Snack: Greek yogurt with blueberries

My body is still adjusting to eating four times a day so often times I feel bloated. Since I work at a restaurant I also have problems with snacking too much before eating my meal. I TRY to save it for the weekend but sometimes I can’t resist 🙂 but alas I’m also working on my discipline. Three weeks and counting but soon enough you’ll see the new and improved me!